An Apology & Memorial Day Options for Families

Yesterday I published a post about having fun this weekend. When I wrote that blog, I wasn't thinking about the fact that it would be read on Memorial Day Weekend. So, I would like to apologize for the fact that it did not include any mention of our veterans or suggestions about how families could remember the sacrifices so many military personal have made and are currently making.

My grandfather served in the Air Force following WWII and my brother-in-law currently serves in the Air Force and is stationed down in Del Rio, Texas. I am fully aware of the sacrifices families have to make for their loved ones to protect this country.

But, what I was reminded of is how I take for granted the freedoms we do have. I honestly believe that the women and men who have died to protect this nation would want us to celebrate those freedoms by taking full advantage of them and have some F-U-N with our friends, churches, or families. But, I also believe it's important for us all to remember and for our children to learn about what it has cost to be free. My guess is that most of your are already teaching your children about the privileges and freedoms they have and for that I say, "Well done!"

Here is a link to the MLive page about what events are happening in the greater Kalamazoo area.

http://blog.mlive.com/kalamazoo_gazette_extra/2008/05/memorial_day_events_abound_thr.html

May We Never Forget. 

F-U-N

My friend Jim has one of the best attitudes towards life. We love to golf together and even during our worse rounds, Jim frequently reminds me, "It's all about the F-U-N!"

Life gets crazy. Crisis happens. Tragedy strikes. Bills get overwhelming. Children can drive you bounkers.

SO...

Here's your permission to go have fun. It's two days before the weekend, what could you do just for fun? What could you plan so that your family can enjoy being together and just have fun? No talk of work, bills, or crazy family drama.

Make this weekend all about the F-U-N!

How Beth and I Fight for Our Marriage

Another one. My heart is shattered. 

This morning I learned of another couple getting divorced. My heart breaks for both the parents and the students when this happens. Nobody wins. 

With this one though I had a difficult time preventing my emotions from overwhelming me. I journaled on my computer a mess of thoughts, feelings, and sleep deprived opinions. Once I calmed down and received some wise counsel from my wife and father, I decided to write this blog. 

Three things Beth and I do to fight for our marriage. 

1. Weekly Dates. 

We don't have any kids, so weekly dates are very realistic. If you have kids, once every other week or once a month may be the rhythm that works for you. 

We enjoy dinner and a movie dates, breakfast dates, and antiquing dates. You may enjoy kayaking dates, walk in the park dates, bike riding dates, ski dates, horseback riding dates, etc. However you both enjoy spending time together, make sure you regularly do it. 

2. Communicate Actively Throughout the Day 

We have naturally done this pretty regularly without having to be purposeful about it, but the importance of it was affirmed to both of us by a married Christian couple. Both of them are previously divorced and the husband cheated on his first wife. Since that time, they both have come to know the Lord, but they are very purposeful about preventing their lives from slipping back into old habits. Daily communication is a key piece of that prevention. Texting, phone calls, emails, Facebook posts, tweets, or whatever else you want to do (married people, feel free to get creative here ;) ). 

3. Pray Together and for Each Other

Prayer is a powerfully intimate experience. I wrote more about that in this blog post. Your marriage is your primary mission field. Marriage is the very representation of us with Christ for eternity. Satan longs to break it up! Ask God to keep Satan far from your marriage. Let God know how deeply you long to see your spouse kept from temptation. Ask Him to show you ways you can sacrificially love your spouse. Pray regularly and deeply.  

There are more things Beth and I intentionally do to fight for our marriage. But, these are practical and very realistic ways to begin your fight today. 

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.

- Ephesians 5:21-26

Theology - Middle School Style

Wednesday night I was talking with two students about questions they had about the Bible and one of them starting talking about the Trinity. He said that the Trinity was three people who all made up one God. The other student was a bit confused (like we all are!) by this concept, so the first student explained further.

"The Trinity is like if three different people were all playing an online game together and they all had the same username or gamertag. They are three different people, but in the game they are the same person."

So simple.

I haven't done in depth analysis to discover the flaws in this analogy, but Christians spend hours and hours thinking about how to best explain complex spiritual and theological questions. Well, sometimes it may help to just ask a middle schooler. I'm continually amazed at how their minds work.

Have a blessed day!

Sick/Tired of Your Job?

“The milk maid has as honorable a calling as the clergy and the preacher.” – Martin Luther

It’s Monday. Are you frustrated at work? Sick of getting up day after day to do a job you don’t feel appreciated for, aren’t compensated enough for, or you just don’t like it. Yes, being a stay at home mom is included (and probably fits the list above better than anything else). If that’s you, let me shed some new light upon your job.

The apostle Paul in Ephesians gives instructions to masters and slaves. Now, don’t get hung up on the slavery part. Slavery wasn’t racial, lifelong, void of rights, or established by captivity in Paul’s day. Slavery was more of what we would see as a house maid or servant (the servants on Downton Abbey would be a good representation). What Paul is dealing with is the relationship between employee and boss, and Paul says to the employee, “work with all of your heart, as if working for the Lord.” The Greek translates a little more directly and basically says, “…because you’re working for the Lord.”

Your real master, your real boss isn’t the woman or man at the end of the hall or at the top of the building. Your real boss is your heavenly Father. One who gives hope, love, mercy, and grace. A perfect boss.

If we are working for the Lord, our desire as Christ followers should be to stand out in our work place (home, office, traveling, etc.) because we are doing our best work with our best attitude. This doesn’t mean you have to be fake or perfect, but let’s win this battle the majority of the time. You’ll stand out for sure.

You are the ONE

One of my favorite times of day to read the Bible is first thing in the morning when I wake up. Sometimes this even happens while I'm on the toilet. (Sorry, that may have been too much information.) 

I have been reading through the book of Luke off and on the past few weeks and when I read the parable of the lost sheep, I thought it was cool. But, when I taught on it Tuesday morning at Hutch's Huddle at Gull Lake Middle School, I was in awe of God. 

A shepherd with a very full head of hair. 

In this story a shepherd realizes one morning (it doesn't say it's morning, but like all the other elements I'm going to add to this story, it helps me put myself in the shepherds shoes a little bit more) that he has lost one of his 100 sheep. He double counts again just to make sure, but he really didn't even need to because he knows every square inch of wool on each of his sheep. After counting again just to be absolutely certain, he high-tails it for the mountains near where his sheep are grazing. 

He hikes and searches all morning, all afternoon and into the late hours of the evening. When off in the distance he hears something, it sounds like Gary (in my head that's what he named this sheep). He starts calling out, "Gary? Gary?!" 

He runs a little bit further and the noise gets louder. The shepherd is growing more and more convinced this is Gary. 

"Gary!"

The shepherd runs over to Gary, sweeps him up in his arms and throws him over his shoulders (did I mention our shepherd is super-ripped?). 

I realized as I was reading this story during Hutch's Huddle, that this isn't just a reminder about God having a huge heart towards the lost. This is a reminder that God cares about us individually. The God who created the sheep, the mountains, the sun and moon that were on display while the shepherd searched, and even the shepherd himself, cares about YOU. You are the ONE He is willing to go searching for. You are the ONE He is willing to risk His life for. You are the ONE He did die for and wants to have a daily relationship with you. 

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Are you letting God make you ONE of His sheep?

Are you running away from being found?

Are you part of the 99 sheep wondering why the shepherd is wasting His time looking for the lost ONE?

I encourage you to take time out and thank God for caring about you individually. 

I encourage those of you who are believers to ask God to soften your heart for those who haven't accepted the fact that God wants them individually to trust Him. 

Here's Me Being Transparent

"The number one reason people 16-40 don't attend church is because they believe it is full of hypocrites." - David Kinnaman, UnChristian Not because we lust, gossip, cheat, or struggle with any other sin, but because we act like we have it all together they can't stand to be around us. On Sunday, my pastor challenged our church to be more transparent. So, here I go.


I am very nervous to write this blog. I have sought wisdom and counsel before publishing it. I fear the judgement that will come from what I am about to say, but, my prayer is that God will use my openness to soften someone's heart and allow them to realize that Christians aren't perfect. I know hundreds of Christians who would readily admit their own sinfulness. Let's start letting the world know the truth. We are broken. We need Him.


For the past 12 months since I graduated school, I have been using my student ID like I was still in school. I justified it because I still have student loans. I figured that if I was still paying student loans, I should be able to use my student ID. This is blatant stealing and I was convicted of this the other day when I bought tickets at The Rave for The Avengers. I used my student ID, took a picture of it and tweeted it.
As soon as it became public, I realized how I had lying to myself. I drove back to the theater to pay for the tickets. I will no longer be using my student ID. 


The point of this is for me to let you into my world a little bit more. To open myself up to you and trust you with my struggle. To let you know more about the flesh that I wrestle against. 


I am not expecting you to open up this much with me or make it public. But, I am challenging you to be this open with somebody. Especially if you are a Christ follower. Who are you talking to about your struggles? Does your wife know? Does your husband know? Does your best friend know? Do your parents know?


When we struggle in private we are not allowing our community and network of support to keep us accountable, encourage us, relate to us, and connect to us because we have allowed them to see the real us. 


We are broken. We need Him. We should desire to be authentic with others so we can become more like Him.


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Has hypocrisy kept you from opening up with someone?


Who do you trust enough to be transparent with?


When was the last time you felt uncomfortable talking about a struggle with somebody? (Those are usually the times of greatest growth) 

Are You a Muderer of Love?

One of Beth’s and my favorite movies of-all-time is, Dan in Real Life. Steve Carrell plays Dan, a recently widowed father of three girls who are approximately 10, 14, and 17 years old. One of my favorite movie quotes of all-time is said by the 14 year old, Cara. I tried to find a legal video of it to show you, but could not. (If you know where to find one, please post it in a comment!)

Cara, starts dating this boy, Marty, and they believe they are deeply in love after a few weeks of dating. When the family goes on a road trip to the family cottage, Marty surprisingly makes the journey as well and Dan sees him and Cara making out on the beach. He then proceeds to drag Marty to a car where Dan's brother-in-law is waiting to drive Marty to the nearest bus station. Dan tells Marty that love is a dangerous feeling. Marty looks at Dan and recites a beautifully written line, "Love isn't a feeling, it's an ability."

Then comes the line. Cara chases after the car as it drives away. As the car heads out of sight, she turns around bawling and yells to Dan, "You, are, a MURDERER OF LOVE!"

It's cinematic gold.

Our culture likes to package love as a feeling first and foremost. Jesus modeled love very differently. The night Jesus was betrayed and arrested, He talks to the Father telling Him that He doesn't want to go through with the plan the Father had set in motion. He didn't want to have to experience the pain and death that would follow. Jesus doesn't feel like saving the world that way. Did Jesus not love the world because He lost the feeling of love?

Not a chance. 

Jesus than models for us the foundation of love. "Not my will, but Yours be done."

Jesus shows us His ability to look past feelings and submit to the Father's plan. He acted in a way that put what He wanted on the back burner. That's love. Not true love or real love, just love.

Our culture has murdered love. Watered it down and made it reliant upon how the other person feels towards us or how they act or perform. 

I encourage you to join me in memorizing this verse as a reminder not to be a murderer of love. 

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. - 1 Corinthians. 13:4-5a 

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Are you a murderer of love?

Are you murdering love within your marriage?


Are you murdering love with your kids?


What could you do today to change that?


What will you do this week/month to change that?

Home Stretch - Have You Thought About This?

Conversation Starter for Parents and Mentors - Don't Punch a Fire Extinguisher

Last night after his team lost their second game in a row to the Miami Heat, Amare Stoudemaire, of the New York Knicks, was so angry that he punched the glass cover on a fire extinguisher and had to his hand wrapped extensively by team paramedics. 

When I heard this story this morning from some middle school guys at Gull Lake's Hutch's Huddle (a middle school Bible study that meets on Tuesday's before school), I couldn't help but think about how great of opportunity this would be if I were a dad to talk to my kids about controlling their temper. This also applies to mentors. 


Here we have a famous athlete who is frustrated to the point of anger and goes off on a fire extinguisher and will most likely miss the next game his team plays. What an incredible consequence! Add to that the fact that his reputation has been tarnished and he will be forever branded as that basketball play who punched a fire extinguisher.


Here we go mentors and dad's (or mom's, but within families I would love to see the dad's out there take the lead on this one), if your mentee, son or daughter watches basketball or any sport really, I encourage you to intentionally bring this up in conversation with them. 


Interested in learn more about creating a culture of conversation with your mentee or children, click here. 


Ask if they've heard about the situation. Ask them what they think about it. Ask them how they've seen you react to frustration and what they think about that (hard question, but what a great way to show that you want to be real and honest with your mentee or kid(s)!). Ask them how they've responded and then let them know how you've seen them respond (they will be able to hear this better since you've opened yourself up first). 


Now that you've heard their response, you can either reinforce their understanding of how we should control our anger or use it as a teaching moment to explain to them how we should handle our tempers in a God honoring way. Here are a few Bible verses to help you out:

Stop being angry!

    Turn from your rage!

Do not lose your temper—

    it only leads to harm.

Psalms 37:8

A hot-tempered person starts fights;
    a cool-tempered person stops them.

Proverbs 15:18

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

James 1:19-25

My prayer for you is that the Holy Spirit will give you the courage to start this conversation and the words to say that will open up the hearts of your child(ren) to listen.

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Parents and Mentors, evaluate yourselves:

How did it go? (be honest)

What went well? What didn't go well?

Were you patient? 

Did you pray for the conversation before you started it?

Did you ask the questions in a way that showed you really cared or in a way that implied you had an agenda?

How did your child(ren) respond?

What will you do differently next time?